Humor

Comment by Angeli Salgado Maney on January 1, 2009 at 9:19am

Josh: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Answer: The chickens weren't around yet.

Comment by Kahlil on January 13, 2009 at 11:49am

That's When the Fight Started


My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in
bed.
I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered.
I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this
time, simply saying "Yes."
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started....


I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....


I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.
And then the fight started....


A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started.....


I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order
first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...


My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
kept
staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby
table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating
that long?'
And then the fight started...


When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
And then the fight started...


My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...


My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...


My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her not as
much as the dress she wore yesterday and then the fight started.....


When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I
should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first: the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to
me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one
day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny
pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone
only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the
driveway.' And that's when the fight started...

Comment by Angeli Salgado Maney on January 13, 2009 at 10:11pm

Mahatma Gandhi developed very tough feet from walking barefoot, and due to his spare and odd diet, he grew frail and developed bad breath. He was a ... super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.

Comment by Kahlil on February 19, 2009 at 10:01am

Some Jay Leno quotes for you...

1. The US has made a new weapon that destroys people but keeps the
building standing,. Its called the stock market - Jay Leno

2. Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are ?? Wall Street is now being
called Wal Mart Street- Jay Leno

3. The difference between a pigeon and a London investment banker .
The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW

4. What's the difference between a guy who lost everything in Las Vegas
and an investment banker ? A tie

5. The problem with investment bank balance sheet is that on the left side
nothing's right and on the right side nothing's left.

6. I want to warn people from Nigeria who might be watching our show, if
you get any e mails from Washington asking for money, it's a scam.
Don't fall for it - Jay Leno

7. Bush was asked about the credit crunch. He said it was his favourite
candy bar - Jay Leno

8. The rescue bill was about 450 pages. President Bush's copy is even
thicker. They had to include pictures - Jay Leno

9. President Bush's response was to meet some small business owners in San
Antonio last week. The small business owners are General Motors, General
Electric and Century 21. - Jay Leno

10. What worries me most about the credit crunch, is that if one of my
cheques is returned stamped 'insufficient funds'. I won't know
whether that refers to mine or the bank's.

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